There are suggestions clown crumbs are about to be outlawed everywhere from Paris to Mexico City. Babbit Threshold, the Mayor of the Orange South American Clown Society says he heard fro a reliable source (a clown) that clown crumbs are on the verge of being prohibited somewhere in Greece. Rainbow Clown News will keep you up to date on developments here.
What is the best spoon in the world? Rainbow Clown News has done a bit of snooping and have found that it is the teaspoon. The tablespoon was fine and got a lot of votes in the typing pool, but lets face facts, the teaspoon is a better spoon endurance-wise alone. Which spoon would you rather be clutching five hours into some type of desperate overnight dash to a friend’s house because he has just rented Christmas with the Cranks and has taken his phone off the hook and you are desperate to prevent him watching the thing because it is probably the worst collection of Dan Ackroyd chin shots ever assembled and sold to the public as some sort of reasonable watchable experience? Ha, rubbish, it is an atrocity waiting to happen, that heap of chins, and you know it.
Of course, it is the teaspoon isn’t it, admit it.
Although ladels are alright too. Quality soup coverage.
Rainbow Clown News reporters do a lot of train travel. If you’re serious about the modern day mode of clown journalism then you need to use a train really. I use them five days a week, and sometimes you see some amazing stuff.
Last night I encountered a very peculiar person while riding on a train to Petrie in pursuit of some rumoured clown. I was sitting in the carriage, smoking of course, when I began to notice a peculiar fellow playing canasta alone. He was at least seven foot tall, had wavy red hair, and his tobacco seemed to me to be elementally wealthy with curling wispy grey green tentacles of lichen.
After I while I grew bored at watching him and returned to my novel. And later I got off at Petrie and went in pursuit of that clown. No luck. Bloody clowns.
Clown time is a term used by researchers to describe what happens when a Clown attempts to travel from a to b. Usually they tap into what is called ‘clown time’ and from there are able to travel great distances in very short periods. For instance, just say Rainier the Clown decides he wants to travel from Paris to Hobart on business. By putting on his favourite clown garb and clowning about, time begins to understand that this is a clown it is dealing with and it had better get down to business and give him a break. Time thus allows the clown to use clown time, speeding up travel and enabling them to travel around the world at terrific speeds.
Some scientists maintain that clown time does not exist. But clown time does exist, and there will be a lecture all about this in Brisbane late March at the Riverstage. It is called ‘Crosby Stills & Nash’.
A new era begins today. Rainbow Clown News, previously a weekly newspaper in the Aspley region of Brisbane, Australia, is now on the internet, and ready to broadcast great helpings of Rainbow Clown news to the willing clown fan of rainbow news articles.
All we here at Rainbow Clown News ask is rainbow clown respect. In exchange we will offer up some terrific news stories over the coming year.
So prepare to be dazzled listeners. It is time for the rain to fall. And the sun to come out. And for us to tell you about it. As often as possible. Probably twice a day.
Regards
Rowan