RAINBOW CLOWN NEWS

Rainbow Clown News reporters do a lot of train travel. If you’re serious about the modern day mode of clown journalism then you need to use a train really. I use them five days a week, and sometimes you see some amazing stuff.

Last night I encountered a very peculiar person while riding on a train to Petrie in pursuit of some rumoured clown. I was sitting in the carriage, smoking of course, when I began to notice a peculiar fellow playing canasta alone. He was at least seven foot tall, had wavy red hair, and his tobacco seemed to me to be elementally wealthy with curling wispy grey green tentacles of lichen.

After I while I grew bored at watching him and returned to my novel. And later I got off at Petrie and went in pursuit of that clown. No luck. Bloody clowns.

Clown time is a term used by researchers to describe what happens when a Clown attempts to travel from a to b. Usually they tap into what is called ‘clown time’ and from there are able to travel great distances in very short periods. For instance, just say Rainier the Clown decides he wants to travel from Paris to Hobart on business. By putting on his favourite clown garb and clowning about, time begins to understand that this is a clown it is dealing with and it had better get down to business and give him a break. Time thus allows the clown to use clown time, speeding up travel and enabling them to travel around the world at terrific speeds.

Some scientists maintain that clown time does not exist. But clown time does exist, and there will be a lecture all about this in Brisbane late March at the Riverstage. It is called ‘Crosby Stills & Nash’.